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virtual reality television just like real life but somehow better
Lighting, editing improve being alive

World News

It won’t be long until today’s young adults remember the original wave of reality television with the innocent nostalgia of The Honeymooners and I Love Lucy. The new virtual reality television, which combines mundane daily chores and interpersonal conflicts with the power of three-dimensional holographic imaging, has captivated audiences the world over. Even psychologists approve, noting that instead of passively watching other people lead their desperate lives, participants actively share in the experience just as if leading their own lives were they not engaged in their virtual lives in the first place.

“When Derek’s mom reams him out for not cleaning up after the dog I can defend him and totally bitch on her just like I would be doing with my own mom, wherever she is,” explains Jen Markham about the teen hit My Parents are Uncool Idiots. Psychologists say that the virtual reality shows help teens role play and learn to navigate the world. “When my real dad left us, I thought it was my fault. Then when I confronted Derek’s dad for coming home drunk on the show, he totally left them, too. So I knew I was right. It was my fault. That’s so cool!”

Participants in virtual reality shows are drawn to the escapism. Fighting with roommates over who left the bar of soap on the rim of the tub, and who will clean up the residue, is more exciting with coverage from multiple angles and bright lighting. Tight editing means that arguments do not need to take the form of full sentences and that one or two strong, sassy comebacks will do. In comparison, real life, despite consisting of the exact same events, feels slow and plodding. “There’s so much waiting around in real life,” complains Jen. “You threaten someone at school but then you’ve gotta like take the bus home, eat dinner, go to sleep, wake up, get dressed, and all that just to get back to school to follow through on the threat. It’s a total drag.”

Virtual reality television isn’t only for young people. Producers are branching out and introducing new programs for older adults such as Car Repair Theater and Dentist’s Office Waiting Room, both of which promise to both replicate and accelerate their respective activities.


News Alert
Frank Dettweiller is a genetically modified farmer. Like the others, he is small and cute.
town clerk makes painful decision to give up baby for a new one

Despite her best efforts, Town Clerk Naomi Giacomo is giving up her six month old in exchange for another. Her very public appeal for “a baby, any baby” which captured the heart of Apollonia makes the decision all the more painfully awkward. Ms. Giacomo says that she tried to love the newborn, and appreciates the effort that went into producing it, but that its black curly hair and pudgy arms were just not what she has dreamed of mothering since she was a little girl. She requests that you stop by the Town Clerk office to see a detailed diagram of the baby she would like to adopt.

 
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Virtual Reality Television Just Like Real Life But Somehow Better

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